This is my peaceful spot. Its the cemetery where the Littlest Boy is buried. When I'm feeling out of sorts I tend to gravitate here. Its so peaceful and comforting to me.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
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By:
Rachele Stuart
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
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By:
Rachele Stuart
Ketchup and Sleep
I admit - I'm bad at blogging. There, I said it.
I have all these lofty goals about recording my life and writing things down so I, with my absolutely horrid memory, will never forget. I even start the posts in my head, knowing exactly what I'll type when I get to the computer. And then, life takes over. Oh well, c'est la vie.
I do have a few posts that I've started and not had time to finish and publish. My intention is to go back and finish them up and post them, so don't be surprised to see this place explode in the next day or two. Then again, don't be surprised if it doesn't, either. :)
Today, though, I want to talk about sleep, or rather, the lack thereof. Little dude must be about to pop out another tooth or grow a foot* or something because oh my goodness is he being trying. Since Christmas or so, he has been waking up a million times a night, and its simply wearing me down. Last night I figured I would take a glance at the clock and see if I was just exaggerating, but it turns out I wasn't. Here's the recap of last night:
Nurse the small child to sleep in bed at around 8pm. Sneak out and turn on the monitor in the living room. Sneak back in and turn on the monitor in the bedroom so the receiver will stop beeping obnoxiously. (*BEEP* Something is wrong here. *BEEP* I'm not getting any signal. *BEEP* You better fix it. *BEEP* I'm going to wake up the kid myself if you don't fix things soon because *BEEP* it's freaking me out that you are not concerned with my beeping noise... *BEEP*)
45 glorious minutes of adult alone time with the small child asleep. *insert happy dance here*
8:45 - Small child wakes up, so I go in and quiet him back down and get him back to sleep. The Boy comes to bed and we watch a little tv.
9:30 - Settle the kiddo before he really wakes up and tell The Boy to turn off the tv if he is going to sleep through the entire next episode of Chuck.
9:50 - Wake up The Boy and have him turn off the tv - couldn't hear the dialogue over the snoring anyways.
10:15 - Finally drift off to sleep after settling into my Z shape around the small child and The Boy's pillows.
12:50 - Little Dude has awakened and is furiously rooting for my boob, so I comply. He starts to drift back to sleep only to wake back up and root some more. This continues for entirely too long. Sometimes he yells softly in protest instead of rooting. Sometimes he does both.
1:25 - Little Dude is still waking every few minutes. I roll him over to my other side and get comfy laying on my right side for a bit. No luck - still rooting and hmphing and not really sleeping.
2:10 - I look at the clock again after little dude has been asleep for the past 5 minutes straight. Phew. Now, I have to pee, so I sneak out of bed, trip on the box of shoes on the floor and try not to make a sound. I return to bed and fold myself around the small child who has rolled over DIRECTLY into the middle of my spot on the bed.
2:16 - Spend the next 30 seconds glaring at The Boy, who has slept through all of this.
2:17 - I am interrupted in my glaring by a small child who has started rooting again. You've got to b e kidding me.
2:50 - Back asleep for good again. I nod off as well, finally.
3:45 - Little Dude might be having a bad dream. He's not really awake, but his cute little face looks all sad and he's whimpering. I try to rub his back and help him fall back asleep and he start rooting around again. Thankfully, it only takes about 10 minutes to get him back to sleep this time.
4:35 - There is no way this child is actually hungry. I deny the rooting and sing "Shh Shh Shh" endlessly while rubbing his back and hugging him close. He bites me on the side of the boob and starts crying for real. The Boy says "Huhn?.." flips over and falls back to sleep. I switch sides again and nurse the little dude back to sleep, praying he won't bite my nipple.
5:50 - Immediately insert nipple in mouth as soon as his mouth opens and starts moving side to side. My alarm is going off in an hour. Ugh. Lay awake wondering how I'm going to function at work today.
6:35 (or so) - I finally fall back to sleep and have a nice dream.
6:55 - Hello, alarm. Bite me.
So, yeah - not much sleep last night. Any suggestions from those of you who have BTDT? I am hoping none of his clothes fit in the next day or so and he goes back to waking up three or four times a night to eat and drifts back to sleep peacefully. I'm so tired.
*I have to come back and edit here that I mean grow 12 inches, not actually develop a third foot in addition to the two he already has, because when I read back over it, it made me giggle.
Monday, December 27, 2010
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By:
Rachele Stuart
Baby's First Christmas
The Little Dude's first Christmas has come and gone. It's been pretty awesome. Sister, BIL and the Bug (their 2 year old daughter) came in on Thursday from San Antonio. They left again today. The visit was short, but it was nice to see them for a while. The Bug is so freaking adorable. As soon as I walked in with LD on Thursday night, she was saying his name and wanting to play with him. It was so much fun seeing her be so sweet with him. I must admit, there were a couple times it stabbed my right in the ticker. See, the Bug was born just a month before the Littlest Boy. Sometimes, when I look at her in all her adorableness, I can see that shadow running right behind her, wanting to play in the tent and pretend to serve his Auntie food and chase his little brother around the living room at Grandma's house. *sigh* Life after a loss is so tough.
Let's back up a bit. Thursday we celebrated Christmas with my in-laws. The Boy had to help my parentals with some last minute honey-dos, then we were off to Cruces. We went out to breakfast at Moongate Cafe (breakfast quesadilla with double bacon, hashbrowns and cheese - yum!) and a bit of last minute shopping at Walgreen's. Then we got down to the Christmas business. A couple of the kidlet's gifts were already open so he crawled right in and got to playing. A cute little mower walking toy, a shape sorter and this VTEch helicopter that recognizes the color of the balls you put in. It's very cute!
After we all played on the floor for a bit, we started handing out presents and opening stuff up. It was a very generous Christmas. LD got a highchair (we have one that straps onto a chair but not a regular one, so that's kinda cool), some toys and a baby Can-Am (reverse trike ride-on thing). We got a new tv for our bedroom (YAY!) and a couple other cool things. The real hit was the family gifts. The Boy got a sword that had belonged to his great uncle and I got a pink glass serving set originally given to his great grandma by Nini. He got a ring that belonged to his Papa and I got a pair of Nini's earrings. And the kidlet got his first silver bell from his grandparents. That was a tradition from Nini to the Boy, so it was very special - and emotional. After presents, we ate some homemade tamales (YUM!) and then opened our stockings. A little bit more time for playing, and then on our way home (with a not-as-quick-as-expected stop by Hobby Lobby for wrapping paper and a stocking for the kidlet). We stopped by Moms house for a bit to visit with the family, then home to bed.
Christmas Eve started with present wrapping and my cousin visiting for a bit. It was nice to see Kathy for a while. We went to the cemetery and put some flowers on my uncle's grave. She brought some for TLB, too. I regret not getting there more often anymore, but it's hard with the kidlet and all. Besides, the Littlest Boy lives in my heart and my family, not in a cemetery, as much as I do love it there. The Boy and I went back home to finish present wrapping - don't ask me how everyone but me managed to get their presents wrapped on time this year when normally I am the only one who does. Obviously, this Christmas was some strange time warp-y kinda Christmas. Then, back to Moms to prep for our annual Christmas Eve party. It's always so nice to have the munchies, hang out with family and just relax a little bit. The Bug and the kidlet had so much fun playing together - they were simply adorable 100% of the time. After a bit, Santa (in the form of Grandpa - I wonder how old they'll be before they realize it?) came by to bring presents and hugs. LD did great and just STARED at him. The Bug was not so sure about the jolly man in red, but she warmed up a bit eventually. Little Dude got really tired, so we opened our PJs (a Christmas Eve tradition) and headed home.
Christmas morning we headed back over to Moms (no time for our own house this Christmas) and had some breakfast. Then there was present time with the kids. It went well. LD got a Seasme Street pop up toy and decided he no longer needed to participate - the Bug agreed. Heh. We hid it and moved on. We got through all the presents from sister and BIL, me and The Boy and Santa. Then, the kids hit a wall. They had wagons of presents (literally - they both got wagons for Christmas, filled with their presents) from the grandparents. They ended up waiting for December 26th - second Christmas. Our stockings did, too. The rest of the day was spent vegging, playing with new toys and generally having fun.
Second Christmas came in much the same way - breakfast, playing, then dragging out the wagons and stockings. LD got this play tent and the kids (and me, I'll admit) had fun all day crawling all around and through it. I brought over our Wii and played a bit of Epic Mickey that I got the day before - LOVE it! Ham , my favorite meal ever, for dinner and then the visit and Christmas weekend was over. We headed home and now it's back to the grindstone.
It had a few bumps and not everything went as planned, but I don't think I really could have asked for a better Christmas with my family. I hope yours was enjoyable and filled with happiness.
Let's back up a bit. Thursday we celebrated Christmas with my in-laws. The Boy had to help my parentals with some last minute honey-dos, then we were off to Cruces. We went out to breakfast at Moongate Cafe (breakfast quesadilla with double bacon, hashbrowns and cheese - yum!) and a bit of last minute shopping at Walgreen's. Then we got down to the Christmas business. A couple of the kidlet's gifts were already open so he crawled right in and got to playing. A cute little mower walking toy, a shape sorter and this VTEch helicopter that recognizes the color of the balls you put in. It's very cute!
After we all played on the floor for a bit, we started handing out presents and opening stuff up. It was a very generous Christmas. LD got a highchair (we have one that straps onto a chair but not a regular one, so that's kinda cool), some toys and a baby Can-Am (reverse trike ride-on thing). We got a new tv for our bedroom (YAY!) and a couple other cool things. The real hit was the family gifts. The Boy got a sword that had belonged to his great uncle and I got a pink glass serving set originally given to his great grandma by Nini. He got a ring that belonged to his Papa and I got a pair of Nini's earrings. And the kidlet got his first silver bell from his grandparents. That was a tradition from Nini to the Boy, so it was very special - and emotional. After presents, we ate some homemade tamales (YUM!) and then opened our stockings. A little bit more time for playing, and then on our way home (with a not-as-quick-as-expected stop by Hobby Lobby for wrapping paper and a stocking for the kidlet). We stopped by Moms house for a bit to visit with the family, then home to bed.
Christmas Eve started with present wrapping and my cousin visiting for a bit. It was nice to see Kathy for a while. We went to the cemetery and put some flowers on my uncle's grave. She brought some for TLB, too. I regret not getting there more often anymore, but it's hard with the kidlet and all. Besides, the Littlest Boy lives in my heart and my family, not in a cemetery, as much as I do love it there. The Boy and I went back home to finish present wrapping - don't ask me how everyone but me managed to get their presents wrapped on time this year when normally I am the only one who does. Obviously, this Christmas was some strange time warp-y kinda Christmas. Then, back to Moms to prep for our annual Christmas Eve party. It's always so nice to have the munchies, hang out with family and just relax a little bit. The Bug and the kidlet had so much fun playing together - they were simply adorable 100% of the time. After a bit, Santa (in the form of Grandpa - I wonder how old they'll be before they realize it?) came by to bring presents and hugs. LD did great and just STARED at him. The Bug was not so sure about the jolly man in red, but she warmed up a bit eventually. Little Dude got really tired, so we opened our PJs (a Christmas Eve tradition) and headed home.
Christmas morning we headed back over to Moms (no time for our own house this Christmas) and had some breakfast. Then there was present time with the kids. It went well. LD got a Seasme Street pop up toy and decided he no longer needed to participate - the Bug agreed. Heh. We hid it and moved on. We got through all the presents from sister and BIL, me and The Boy and Santa. Then, the kids hit a wall. They had wagons of presents (literally - they both got wagons for Christmas, filled with their presents) from the grandparents. They ended up waiting for December 26th - second Christmas. Our stockings did, too. The rest of the day was spent vegging, playing with new toys and generally having fun.
Second Christmas came in much the same way - breakfast, playing, then dragging out the wagons and stockings. LD got this play tent and the kids (and me, I'll admit) had fun all day crawling all around and through it. I brought over our Wii and played a bit of Epic Mickey that I got the day before - LOVE it! Ham , my favorite meal ever, for dinner and then the visit and Christmas weekend was over. We headed home and now it's back to the grindstone.
It had a few bumps and not everything went as planned, but I don't think I really could have asked for a better Christmas with my family. I hope yours was enjoyable and filled with happiness.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
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By:
Rachele Stuart
Hi there
Hi. I'm the Wingnut. I've been wanting to blog for a long time, so I'm finally jumping in. Of course, we're just about to go on vacation, so bad timing, maybe. Oh well.
So, here's the rundown. I'm Wingnut. I'm 26 years old and live in the middle of freaking nowhere - at least that's how it seem to us. I've been happily married to The Boy since July 28, 2007. We were happily surprised by becoming pregnant in January of 2008. After a wonderful pregnancy, The Littlest Boy made his appearance October 12, 2008. However, he experienced an occult cord prolapse during birth and died the next day. After that, we knew we wanted to be parents to a living child and not just TLB, so we began actively trying to get pregnant again. March 2009 saw us pregnant again, this time with Butterball (due around Thanksgiving), but I miscarried her (I swear Butterball was a girl, no matter that The Boy says otherwise) on Easter. May saw us pregnant yet again and February 11, 2010 marked the arrival of The Goblin King (usually affectionately referred to as the kidlet, the small child and a whole host of other names).
I know that's a lot to divulge in a first post, but it's important for you to know. My grieving is not over, and never will be. I will talk about babies, dead babies and little brothers to dead babies; tears, smiles, grief and moving on; jobs, money, stress, marriage, family life and traveling. And Disneyland - oh, there will be much talk of Disneyland. It's eclectic, sometimes sad, sometimes bitter and sometimes euphoric, but always me. Consider yourself warned.
There it is - an introduction. Soon to come will be more about our everyday life. First up will no doubt be all about our upcoming vacation - the kidlet's first visit to Disneyland!
So, here's the rundown. I'm Wingnut. I'm 26 years old and live in the middle of freaking nowhere - at least that's how it seem to us. I've been happily married to The Boy since July 28, 2007. We were happily surprised by becoming pregnant in January of 2008. After a wonderful pregnancy, The Littlest Boy made his appearance October 12, 2008. However, he experienced an occult cord prolapse during birth and died the next day. After that, we knew we wanted to be parents to a living child and not just TLB, so we began actively trying to get pregnant again. March 2009 saw us pregnant again, this time with Butterball (due around Thanksgiving), but I miscarried her (I swear Butterball was a girl, no matter that The Boy says otherwise) on Easter. May saw us pregnant yet again and February 11, 2010 marked the arrival of The Goblin King (usually affectionately referred to as the kidlet, the small child and a whole host of other names).
I know that's a lot to divulge in a first post, but it's important for you to know. My grieving is not over, and never will be. I will talk about babies, dead babies and little brothers to dead babies; tears, smiles, grief and moving on; jobs, money, stress, marriage, family life and traveling. And Disneyland - oh, there will be much talk of Disneyland. It's eclectic, sometimes sad, sometimes bitter and sometimes euphoric, but always me. Consider yourself warned.
There it is - an introduction. Soon to come will be more about our everyday life. First up will no doubt be all about our upcoming vacation - the kidlet's first visit to Disneyland!
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